Ah the joys!

Ah the joys of being single and trying to date! Ok...far from the joys yet. However, I still hold out potentially irrational optimism or just stupidity that there will be love in my life one of these days. If only I could get to the dating part! That part is pretty easy, in its own way. What is hard is getting from the "I've found you somewhere point to actually meeting"! Seriously! I guess I'm just "old school" when it comes to meeting people, I actually want to meet them, in person! Is that weird or wrong? It is one thing to talk to or chat with a person online. It is something completely different to see a person and watch how they interact. You can't get affect, mannerisms, interest without being face-to-face. Case in point: I went out with a guy a few years ago. Seemed like a very nice guy online and on the phone. We met at a coffee shop one day. Holy Moly! The guy that showed up was not at all what I thought I was meeting. He had a totally flat affect which means there was no emotion at all when talking. NONE!!! It was like talking to a wall. Sorry! Can't do that. No emotion when talking = no personality. That doesn't work for me. I did try to give him one more chance thinking maybe it was just a bad day but no. That was all there was to that fish in the sea. I threw him back! :) So I guess it comes down to either me getting with the "new way" of trying to date or staying me and hoping there is a chance to actually meet. The end goal, LOVE, is what it is all about. The journey getting there is confusing, difficult, fun, enjoyable, aggrevating, annoying, intriguing, sweet, silly, hot, cold...well, you get the point. I'm in it for the long haul, smart or not. I'm a sap! Can't help it!

Who am I?

Nah, don't be too worried! I'm not finding out who I am as a person...just what I want to look like. I'm feeling the need for a new style. My body is changing (YEA) and I think that maybe I should too.
I saw all sorts of interesting styles at SXSW and I wonder, can I pull them off? And I can do it all the time? Will the new style fly at work? That is a big challenge.
I've always liked the rockabilly look. I think it is a lot of fun. I also like a little bit more of a punk look. Short, sassy hair a big key on that one. Then there is the vintage look. Love that but that one will have to wait for a bunch more weight to be lost - those clothes were so small! :) I could go for seriously trendy. I'm thinking that one might take too much time but could be fun. Classic is always a good look and the preppie thing is coming back. I would love to be able to go for the high fashion look but I'm afraid my bank account forbids that one. One majorly important thing for me to keep in mind is that I'm a 45 year old woman...I can't and won't try to look like I'm 20.
So now my new mission - figure out who I am on the fashion/style front! If you see me trying things, be nice but be honest and let me know what you think. If it works, great. If not, let me down gently!
Be on the look out! You don't know when you'll see the whole new me!! :)

Sucker!!!

So there is a little update from my last post. Don't you hate it when you find out you've been taken advantage of? I certainly do especially when it is from the standpoint of matters of the heart. It turns out that the "guy" I thought I met is another scammer. Asked me for money after some seriously lame story about getting mugged. Did I need to remind this "guy" that I'm a nurse and you shouldn't try to get medical stuff past someone who works in the profession!!! Medical people are going to ask medical questions when there is something like that being presented to us. And don't ask for money in foreign currency! Really??? Do you think I'm going to send you pounds sterling? Right.
Well, lesson learned! Now just to get over the sting of feeling stupid. I know, I shouldn't feel stupid because that is what these people do - they suck you in and make you want to believe them. It's their job and they're good at it. But guess what? I still feel stupid! And I'm also a little hurt. As much as I try not to be, I'm a believing person. I like to think people are good. I know as a rational adult that most people probably are but there are enough that aren't that I should be on my guard. I WILL be for a while! Trust me!
I believe in love and I really want to be in love. That is why I, against my better judgement, I fell for it. I don't know what else to do but I know where it won't be happening. Cupid.com - HORRIBLE site! Full of scammers.
For the time being, I'll just be a slightly jaded hopeful/hopeless romantic! It's just who I am.

Call me Slacker!

Wow! What kind of slacker am I? Totally neglecting my blog! Unacceptable. My apologies. Obviously, I've been a little busy. But have I got a treat for you - read on!!

So is there really such a thing as love at first sight? Even less believable, is it possible to fall in love with someone you haven't met yet? Internet dating puts us in this position these days. Especially if you live away from the person. What can you believe? You can say anything you want and put out any picture you can find, as long as you have many different ones of the same person, and it doesn't have to be real. How do you know if you can trust them? If you are lying, is it easy to do? If someone is lying to you, can you tell? When can you start believing? For some people like me, I'm a believer. Or at least I want to be.
I'm gullible. I'll be the first to admit it. I try not to be but I'm trusting. I've been single for so long these days, it also puts me at risk for believing. I want to believe. I NEED to believe. I'm tired of being a single girl. My life is okay, some days even great but I'm lonely! I need love and companionship. I have great friends and family but let's face it. There is only so much they can do. So over the last few years, I've tried the internet dating scene. I've tried pretty much all of the reputable sites - Match, Chemistry, E-harmony, Yahoo personals - a couple of them more than once. What did these sites get me? Nothing but a lower self esteeem and a lighter pocket book. I took a break for a while from these kind of sites and had a few dates the normal way - asking - but nothing came of those except some friendship.
So I tried another site with some REALLY awful initial results but a pretty good one at the end of my very short time there. Can you fall for someone you haven't met? I'm finding myself doing just that and I'm a little petrified! What am I thinking? What do I have to lose? Nothing else has worked and I've never had anyone ever tell me some of the wonderful things I've been told. Don't worry! My guard is up. But when do I let it down? I'll have to keep trying this. I'll keep you posted. Hopefully it will be with good news. We'll see.

Welcome 2011!

Can you believe it??? It's 2011! I remember as a kid that we were supposed to have flying cars and all that kind of stuff by now. Guess it was fun to dream since we aren't quite there yet. Maybe one day!
So what is in store for me in 2011? Good question. I don't know. Here is what I hope for. I hope for sticking to eating healthy (doing Weight Watchers), continuing to see Sean for my personal training, continuing to hit the gym at least 2 other times each week, for some fun little trips to visit people and reconnect with some family, to try new things, to help other people experience new things, to enjoy life, and to fall in love (taking applications, if you're interested). Not in any particular order - in case you were wondering! :)
How do I plan to accomplish these things? Perseverance!! Tenacity! Stubbornness! Hard Work! Being a bitch on occasion! hahahahaha!!
I will occasionally keep you up-to-date on how these things are going. I promise not to bore with posting nothing but this drivvel. But you will have to read a little. Hey, it's my blog! :)
2011 - HERE I COME!!!!

Life

Have you ever noticed that life gets in the way??? Well, it does! But don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining about it. As a matter of fact, it is a great thing that it does! Yes, when it does, it keeps me from doing things I need to - clean my house, wash my car, keep up this blog... - but think of the alternative. What if you didn't have a life to get in your way? How sad would that be? Sure some days it is good to take a break from the hustle and bustle but if you never had any hustle and bustle? I can't imagine that.
Life should be full - full of friends, family, work (well that one is debatable - hahaha), music, fun, laughter, sorrow, shiny objects, dinner, movies, wine, sunrises, sunsets, flowers... I could go on but I think you get what I mean. Of course the amount of fullness varies to your personal liking. That is okay. No fullness is something I don't get. How do people get to that point? Do they just hide all the time? Do they not know how to open up just enough to let in 1 person? If you know someone like this, help them out, if they'll let you. Well at least try. I know it can be a futile effort sometimes but it might not be just one time. You may make someone's life.

Life

Some days do you just wonder if life is the way it should be? I don't mean anything bad but just curiosity. Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing? Am I where I'm supposed to be? I don't know. Don't get me wrong. I like my life. A lot! But some days, I just wonder. I guess this was brought on by a couple of things. A friend I've known for a very long time just lost her dad. It is such a sad thing. I know. I still miss my mom so much - every day! And it just brings forward the inevitability of things.
I think about what my life would have been like if I would have been born closer in time to my brothers. What would I have done for a living? Would I have been married? Would I have had kids? Yikes! I'm not so sure how that would have been. I guess it would have been okay because it would have been the only life I would have known. But since I know that could have been with my current life, I get to ponder it. Not too seriously, though.
Then I think of what would have happened if I would have stuck with my original plan of just being back in Austin for a few years after I moved back in 1991. Where would I have gone? Would I have stayed there? I guess my answer to that question is I'll never know because I didn't do it. Why didn't I? Lots of reasons...very good ones. Family - friends - comfort.
So I guess all this wacky pondering just has me at the fact that I am where I am supposed to be, doing what I'm supposed to do, and being the me I'm am. I don't know about you but I feel better now. It's good to think these things out! Thanks for listening...well, reading! It might be good for you to try should you start pondering wacky things too!